Goodbye is Definitely the Hardest Word
by Crimson Gazer
Summary: Tsubasa-Senpai and the others are graduating from Alice Academy so Mikan will have to say her Goodbyes. Who will comfort her when she is down, surely not the crimson eyed boy she despises? Will Mikan and Natsume grow apart or will fate bring them closer?
1. Hurting

Hello, this is my new story 'Goodbye is definitely the hardest word.' I hope you enjoy it and please comment, I would really appreciate it. Thank you :D

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gakuen Alice or any of the characters involved.

"Mikan?" A soft voice called from the other side of the door. The young girl was just adding the finishing touches to her dress before she was interrupted. Her bedroom door creaked open and a smile lit up her face as she noticed her two friends walk in. It took a lot of effort for Mikan not to burst out into tears right then and there. To everyone else the ball that was occurring tonight was supposed to be a happy occasion but not for Mikan. The ball was the last time that the high school division would be with the school; it was a way to send them off happy. Mikan didn't want any of her friends to leave, they had become like family to her and now it was time for them to start their own lives in the real world.

Mikan tried to take her mind of the matter by looking at what her best friend, Hotaru was wearing. She wore a lilac silk, dress that fell to just below her knees which brought the amethyst out in her eyes. Her black heels held a purple flower on the front, coordinating with her dress. Mikan's eyes travelled down Hotaru's arm as she noticed the exquisite, white rose corsage that was wrapped around her wrist. Despite herself, Mikan found a smile form on her lips as she glanced up at the now blushing Yuu. The two of them had been dating for a while and it seemed to be going great for them both. Hotaru was usually hostile towards people but she seemed to open up to him and Mikan was glad that her best friend had found someone she trusted with her whole heart. Even Yuu had dressed up for the occasion, wearing a simple black tux with an exact replica of Hotaru's rose sticking out of his pocket. He didn't look very comfortable with what he was wearing but he didn't want to be disrespectful by wearing something casual.

Hotaru noticed how her friend's eyes didn't hold any gleam when she looked at them like they usually did. She understood that tonight would be a very hard time for Mikan and she would do whatever she could to support her. For weeks she has called this night a ball and said how spectacular it would be but she never once called it by its real name, 'the leavers due'. Hotaru knew that Mikan would lose many friends because of this but there was one person she would miss the most, Tsubasa-senpai. Mikan has always looked up to him and he was one of the very first people to actually be kind to Mikan and help her out. Hotaru knew that her friend viewed him as a big brother and would miss him terribly. Indeed, tonight would be very hard on Mikan.

"We came to see if you are ready," Yuu whispered, still a bit unsure of whether that was the sort of question he should be asking. Mikan was thankful that he had interrupted her inner rambling and gave him a gentle smile. She turned back to her full length mirror and heaved a sigh. Mikan tugged at the midnight blue material that hugged around her curves perfectly and fumbled with the curls that hung around her face. She wanted any excuse she could find to not attend but there was simply no reason for her not to.

"You two should go on ahead, I will be there soon." Mikan looked at her two friends through the mirror and gave them a slight nod. Expecting them both to depart, Mikan continued to play with her hair trying to fix it in the right position when she felt a pair of arms wrap around her frail body. The young girl's hazel eyes widened in surprise as she saw her best friends head leant on her shoulder. It was a very rare occasion that Hotaru showed compassion; it was usually in situations where Mikan was incredibly upset much like today.

"I know you are hurting deep inside Mikan but everything is going to be okay, I promise." Mikan stared at herself in the mirror and witnessed a glistening tear trickle down her cheek. Before she could lift her hand to wipe it away more tears filled her eyes and were flowing freely down her face, splashing onto Hotaru's hands that instinctively held on tighter. Mikan turned around in her friends embrace and flung her own arms around Hotaru, crying into her shoulder. Hotaru didn't say anymore because she knew that Mikan needed to get it out of her system.

After a few moments, Mikan's crying quietened down into mere sobs and hiccups as she pulled her head away from Hotaru. Her best friend noticed how smudged her make up now was and led her to a stool where she began dabbing on some more foundation. Mikan didn't protest and just sat there staring into space, trying to control her breathing. She knew she was acting like a cry baby but she couldn't help herself. Mikan understood that it would be much harder for the people who were leaving; going out into the world on their own while she still attended Alice Academy. She wasn't the one who had to make a living on her own and find a place to stay, they were.

"There." Hotaru gestured at the mirror and Mikan noticed that her makeup had been reapplied but not just that, she looked like a completely different person. It shocked Mikan that Hotaru was this skilled when it came to basic things like makeup but she was a perfectionist. Her cheeks looked flushed and the black eye liner around her eyes made the hazel in her eyes shine brightly. Mikan's lips were plump and red, something that she could not have accomplished by herself.

"Now, for the finishing touch." Hotaru picked up a single red rose that was strapped to a bracelet. That was the corsage that Tsubasa-senpai had given her to wear especially tonight. Mikan had debated with herself for many days in whether she should wear it or not because she knew it would just upset her more than she already was. The young girl was surprised that she didn't pull away when Hotaru lifted her arm and placed the corsage around her wrist. It seemed to look even more beautiful around her wrist than it did on her dressing table, how Mikan had no idea but it seemed to come to life when she wore it.

"There, now you are definitely ready for tonight." Hotaru placed her hands on Mikan's shoulders and she felt a beaming smile grace her features. Before the midnight blue dress had seemed to match her depressed mood perfectly but now it seemed to glow in the light. Her black patent leather high heels had a cute little diamante bow sewn on the back that showed her childish side. Even though she was now sixteen years old, she still sometimes felt like the ten year old girl who had first come to the academy. Mikan also noticed that her curls were know tied into a velvet blue bow that matched her dress exactly but a few curls still managed to escape. Overall she looked ready to go to the dance, she had no excuses left. Mikan inhaled a deep breath and smoothed her dress out in an attempt to calm herself down.

"I think I'm ready," Mikan breathed and Hotaru gave her a slight smile before she turned around to Yuu who was still stood there feeling slightly uncomfortable. When he noticed that we were both ready he cleared his throat and shyly offered Hotaru his arm. Mikan even saw a slight blush rise in Hotaru's cheeks as she threaded her arm through his and she began to feel warm inside as she watched the two of them. Hotaru and Yuu headed towards the door but when she noticed that Mikan wasn't following them she turned her head slightly to look behind her.

"Come on baka, you don't want to be late, do you?" Mikan glanced at the clock and noticed it was already 7:55; they only had five minutes left to be there on time. The young girl yelped in surprise as she ran after her two friends. Mikan ran out of the room, slamming the door behind her and remembered almost immediately that her purse was still inside. She groaned internally as she fumbled with the door handle and felt the glare of Hotaru boring into her back.

"You two should just go on ahead; I've left my purse in my room so I will just catch up to you." Mikan knew that Hotaru was about to argue with her but she sent her a look that showed her she would be there as soon as possible. Muttering under her breath, Hotaru marched away with a very confused Yuu stumbling after her. Mikan turned the handle to her bedroom a few more times before it finally gave way and she fell onto the floor of her room. Grumbling, she kicked the door closed with her foot before standing up and brushing herself down. Mikan always had troubles with the lock on the door and that was part of the reason she never risked locking it. She was no longer a 'no-star' but she had never left her room in the attic because it had become a part of her life here at Alice Academy. Over the past few years, Mikan had excelled to a 'triple' star so she was allowed to restyle her room and make it more stylish.

Mikan eyed her black purse on the bed and grabbed it without a second thought before racing towards the door. After a few failed attempts of opening the door she slumped against the wood until she felt the carpet beneath her. There was no way the door was going to open any time tonight and Mikan knew that. She considered the possibilities of ramming it down but then she would have no door for privacy. Defeated, Mikan stared out of the window at the stars in the night sky and wondered what was happening at the dance. If only she could find a way out of her room and just like that it seemed to hit her, through the window.

Mikan sprung to her feet and hung her head out of the window. Beneath her room was another room with a balcony, maybe if she explained the situation she could cut through their bedroom. Mikan didn't hesitate with her plan and quickly stripped the sheet from her mattress and from her pillows before tying them together. With one end she tied it to the post of her bed and hung the rest out of her window. It wasn't that long and Mikan registered that she would have to jump quite a bit of the way but she was willing to do anything. She peeled her heels off her feet and threw them onto the balcony below followed closely after by her purse.

Mikan wrapped her hands around the white material and stood on the edge of her windowsill, ready to descend. A wave of nausea wafted over her at how high up she was but she tried to focus on moving her feet down the wall. The end of the sheet was coming closer and Mikan gulped when she thought of having to jump the rest of the way. The time finally came and Mikan regretted this plan of hers already but there was no way she could climb back up now.

A bang sounded from somewhere below and scared Mikan which caused her to lose her grip on the material and fall rather awkwardly onto the stone balcony. The young girl let out a groan of protest as she made impact with the hard stone. Stars clouded her vision and she tried her best to shake them. Mikan stumbled to her feet and used the balcony wall to balance herself. Her hazel eyes wandered up to where the white sheet swung lightly in the night's breeze. It made her feel sick that she had just jumped from that height and managed not to damage herself too much.

Pushing that aside Mikan dragged herself to her feet and walked rather shakily to the patio doors. Mikan placed a hand on the handle and was startled to find that it was open already. Cautiously, she stepped into the room and shut the door behind her but not before grabbing her shoes and purse off the balcony. The room was fairly dark and the only light to be seen was from the table lamp and the light that filtered from the bathroom. Mikan felt like this was a bad decision to have come here and wished she could be back in her room. The young girl had no idea whose room she was in but there wasn't anyone in sight.

"Hello," Mikan whispered but when she didn't get a reply she figured they had already gone down to the dance. Instead of leaving straight away like she should have done, she was side tracked by the photos on the mystery person's dressing table. Curious by this, Mikan tip toed over to it just in case there was actually someone still in the room.

Mikan lifted the first photo of two people who were probably the kid's parents by the looks of it. In a way they both looked oddly familiar, as though she had seen them before but she couldn't possibly have. The only children's parent's she has ever met from the Academy was Hotaru's and that was only because they had known each other before they had attended Alice Academy. The two of them looked extremely happy and looked clearly in love with each other. The man in the photo had his black hair swept to one side and was laughing as he looked directly into the camera. His arms were wrapped around the woman next to him while her hands held onto his. The woman's long brunette hair blew in the wind as her eyes were creased with age but were still shining brightly. The thing that really intrigued Mikan to the picture wasn't the happiness that radiated from it but the crimson eyes of the woman. They looked oddly recognizable and it sent a cold shiver up her spine as she stared into them. Having seen enough Mikan placed the photo back onto the table before moving onto the next one.

Her hand seemed to hesitate before picking this one up, she felt like she was invading someone's privacy. Still she couldn't hold herself back as she stared down at the two young children in the photograph. Mikan could tell straight away that the two were siblings by the resemblance. The young girl was presumably laughing at something that her brother had said while his arm was wrapped around her shoulder trying to keep a straight face but clearly failing. Mikan could see that the young boy loved his sister and would do anything for her; even a photo could portray that. She was once again lost in the crimson eyes of the two children but one more than the other. Mikan was positive that she had seen those crimson eyes before but the ones she had seen were usually withdrawn and held secrets, not shining and full of life.

A loud thud came from the bathroom, knocking Mikan out of her trance and causing her to drop the photograph in shock. She fumbled around in the only light she had and placed the photo back where it belonged. Even though she had a reason for being in the room she still felt like an intruder and couldn't control how fast her heart was beating. Mikan heard another bang in the bathroom and knew that there was somebody definitely left in the room. Instead of running straight for the door like she should have done in the first place she stayed where she was, her feet were bolted for the floor and even if she wanted to make a dash for it, there was no way she possibly could.

Another crash made Mikan flinch involuntarily and take a step back. She knew that at any minute the person who lived in this bedroom would come walking out and see her but she couldn't seem to do anything to make sure that didn't happen. The door to the bathroom creaked open and before Mikan could see who it was she felt herself falling backwards and the light diminishing from the room. The young girl rubbed the back of her head and cursed under her breath. Her feet were tangled in the wire of the table lamp and during her fall she pulled it off its stand, shattering the bulb in the process. Mikan struggled to get her feet free but as soon as they were she felt herself being lifted from the floor by her neck, causing her to drop her purse and shoes on the floor. She gasped for air as she was slammed into the wall behind her and groaned as the pain shot through her body.

_How many times more times am I going to hurt myself tonight, _she mentally thought.

The grip on her throat tightened and she was beginning to run out of oxygen which caused her to panic more. She clawed at the hand around her throat and wished that her Alice would work on physical violence but it had no effect. This didn't stop Mikan from trying to flail her legs around, trying to get a good shot at the person who was doing this to her. This just caused the mystery person to press up against her so she couldn't move, making any effort to escape futile.

"Who the hell are you?" the voice growled and she could identify that it was definitely male. Mikan had no idea how he expected her to answer his question with him restricting her air supply but he didn't seem to expect her too as he clicked his fingers. The room immediately brightened as a light formed above his fingers, no not a light, a flame. Mikan's eyes widened as she realised who it was and it confirmed her assumptions when she was met by a pair of crimson eyes. Those crimson eyes were something she could never forget.

"Natsume?"

Hope you liked it and please leave comments or any ideas you have. I will try and get the next chapter up shortly but I have a lot of exams coming up so I am sorry if I don't upload fast enough.

Thanks for reading :)


	2. It's All Over

This is the second chapter of my story 'Goodbye is definitely the hardest word.' I hope you enjoy it and please comment, I would really appreciate it. Thank you :D

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gakuen Alice or any of the characters involved.

"Natsume?" Mikan managed to croak out with the only air she could find. His crimson eyes widened in surprise as his grip on her throat loosened and she fell onto the carpet. Mikan gasped for breath while a bright light lit up the whole room, showing a half naked Natsume stood in front of her. She tried to look any where else but his muscled chest and she had to admit that he looked damn good with his top off. Finally, Mikan looked up at him and cringed away from the glare he was giving her.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Natsume snarled as he took in the young girl before him. Apart from the terror in her eyes he couldn't help but admit that she looked absolutely beautiful. The midnight blue material hugged her figure perfectly, showing off her curves in the right places. Natsume's gaze moved down Mikan's arm until it landed on the red corsage around her wrist and a low growl rose from his throat. He knew that it was a present from Tsubasa-Senpai and he didn't know why it angered him so.

"Well... I got locked inside my room and the only way out was to jump onto your balcony." Mikan didn't dare look in his eyes because she knew she would cave under his intense stare.

"I had no idea it was your room," Mikan mumbled under her breath, hoping it would make the situation better. The only thing Mikan wanted to do now was to go to the dance and enjoy her last night with her friends, not be stuck in a room with someone who didn't even like her.

"You can't just break into someone's room, moron," Natsume sighed and walked over to his wardrobe leaving Mikan sat on the floor, not knowing what to do. She watched as he pulled on a crisp white shirt and a pair of pants before slipping on her own shoes and rising to her feet. Mikan glanced back over at the pictures on his dressing table and she knew she shouldn't ask about them but curiosity got the better of her.

"Are they your parents?" Natsume had just finished tying his shoes when he froze on the spot at what Mikan had asked him. He never liked to discuss his parents, not with even his closest friend, Ruka. It was a subject that was better left uncovered, not even the bubbly personality of Mikan could make him reveal anything.

Mikan saw Natsume tense out of the corner of her eye and regretted asking the question immediately, no wonder curiosity killed the cat. She should have understood how hard it was to answer a question like that herself, seeing as her parents had died a long time ago. The young girl tried to think of a way to lighten the mood but she came up short. Instead, against her better judgement she turned on her heel and took a seat beside Natsume on the bed, enveloping his hand in hers.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked," Mikan whispered. Natsume tore his hand away from hers and stalked over to his dresser to grab his tie, trying to get his mind off of everything. He wondered why she had chosen his room to jump into of all the places she could have gone. His fingers fumbled with the material around his neck but he just couldn't seem to tie it right. Within a second, a pair of smaller hands replaced his and tied it with precision and accuracy. When she was finished she looked up into his eyes but Mikan could see that she had clearly upset him. Sighing, she turned away from him and grabbed her purse from the floor.

"Come on, we better go. We're late enough as it is." Natsume shrugged on his jacket and grabbed his keys from the bed before facing Mikan and giving her a slight nod.

The walk to the dance was uncomfortably silent, neither of them knowing what to say. Mikan was still scolding herself for bringing that sensitive subject up before. She knew that he would never talk to her about it, they weren't exactly the best of friends so what did she expect. Even though Mikan could relate to his pain, she felt like there was a hidden meaning behind his parent's death, something that if found out would put everyone's life at risk.

Mikan glanced at Natsume out of the corner of her eye, just to make sure that he wasn't too upset. Like usual his barriers were up, showing no signs of weakness. For the first time, Mikan actually looked at Natsume and noticed the way his features had changed from when they were children and she had first started at the Academy. His crimson eyes were still cold and lifeless but they seemed to have softened over the years. His black hair had grown longer and swept just over his eyes, it should have looked like it needed cutting but it made him look more mature.

That's when Mikan's hazel eyes swept over the many earrings he wore and it made her cringe unintentionally. The young girl understood that he had his power fully under control but yet he was still being used by Persona. It pained her to see him waste his life seeing as his power was 'limitless.' If Natsume used his power too much then it would have a great impact on his life in the long run, there was no way of being able to guess how old he was going to live. Maybe till forty, thirty, to be honest he might not even make it to twenty if he wasn't careful.

Mikan had noticed that Natsume had become more rebellious since they were ten years old, at first he was beginning to get better but then everything went downhill. She had tried so many times to help him and be there for him but he pushed her away every time, if it had done anything it had made them grow apart. Now that she thought about it, this would have been the first time in a week since they had even spoken to each other. Mikan longed to be his shoulder to cry on, a friend he could depend on and someone who he could vent his worries to but he didn't see her in that way, she even thought if he saw her any way at all. It was plain to see that he enjoyed teasing her but surely he couldn't hate her, could he? Mikan heaved a sigh as she felt a migraine form and tried to soothe it. This was something she didn't want to be thinking about, especially not tonight.

"Hey, polka. Stop spacing out." Mikan blinked her eyes as she noticed two pools of red staring back at her. It felt like she was in a world of her own as she looked at the bright lights, the beautiful ball gowns, the music and the couples dancing. It was like a fairytale and she had stepped into it but what surprised her the most was how well Natsume seemed to blend in with it all. She hated to confess it but he looked absolutely breath taking, the way his crimson eyes sparkled and his whole appearance seemed to glow.

"Wow," Mikan breathed. Natsume rolled his eyes at the young girl before him but was smiling secretly on the inside. He loved the awed look on her face as her gorgeous hazel eyes took in the scene around her. Natsume shook his head to clear his thoughts, was he going crazy or did he just say he thought Mikan had gorgeous brown eyes. He had to acknowledge that they had turned the hall into a reality dream land for the girls of this school. The way the disco ball reflected the lights gave a romantic feel to the atmosphere and the slow music that was playing. He knew later on that the music would become more upbeat but for now he would have to endure it.

Mikan's eyes scanned the crowds to find anyone she knew from the High School Division. She wanted to spend the whole night with them, every last second so she would never forget them. Her digital camera was ready in her bag to make some memories with everyone so they would be able to remember everything about their time at Alice Academy. Finally, Mikan's gaze landed on the one person who had been with her from the very beginning.

"Tsubasa-Senpai," Mikan cried as she spotted her friend hidden among the crowd. At the call of his name, he lifted his head and looked around before his gaze fixed on Mikan and a smile spread across his face. Even though Mikan was wearing heels she couldn't care less as she sprinted towards Tsubasa who had fought his way through the crowd and was now waiting for her with his arms wide open. Mikan flew right into the young boy who barely had chance to keep them both steady with the force. She wrapped her arms around him and held on for dear life, wishing she never had to let go.

Tsubasa held the young girl in his arms and found a sad smile grace his features as he rested his head in her hair. He would really miss Mikan when he left, she had brought a light to everyone's lives when she enrolled here and without her that light in him would diminish. He had watched her grow from a cute young girl to a beautiful young woman right before his eyes and he would always feel protective over her. Mikan was like a little sister to him and he wanted to be able to look over her forever but Tsubasa knew that she needed to grown on her own. She didn't need to depend on him as much anymore, she was turning into a bright girl even without his help. Tsubasa felt his heart tug as he felt a wet liquid spread across his shoulder and he could identify it straight away. He pulled her face away from his shoulder and made her look him in the eye, that's when he saw it. The tears running down her face, all for him.

"Mikan, don't cry. Please don't cry." Mikan understood that Tsubasa was trying to comfort her but she couldn't seem to stop the tears flowing. To Mikan, this would be the last night that they would ever see each other but she never wanted to say Goodbye. It would break her heart to say that one word, the one word that could end people's lives.

"I... d-don't want... you to go," Mikan sobbed as a whole new round of tears shook her frame. Tsubasa frowned at how frail she looked and felt the first signs of tears threatening to over spill. Shaking his head to rid himself of the grief as best he could, the young man wrapped Mikan in his arms and stroked her hair, murmuring soothing words into her ear.

"Everything will be okay, Mikan. Trust me." Mikan thought about Tsubasa-Senpai's words for a moment before reluctantly nodding her head. No one could predict the future, not even Tsubasa. There was no telling whether they would ever cross paths or even speak to each other again, it was something only fate could decide. The young girl tried to pull herself together, if she was like this at the beginning of the dance then there was no telling what she would be like at the end. Mikan wiped away her tears before pulling away from Tsubasa's embrace and meeting his gaze which was full of concern for the young girl before him. Just like the usual Mikan, a beaming smile lit up her face and the young man couldn't help but smile with her. Unbeknown to him, it was very difficult for Mikan to fake her mood and it was draining her energy. The tears still tried to fall but she pushed them away and decided to stay strong for Tsubasa, if that was the only thing she could do for him then it would be okay, just like he said. One day they would be together again, someday soon.

"I believe you, Tsubasa-Senpai." Mikan's eyes glittered under the lights and Tsubasa couldn't help but scold himself. He had just told one of the most important girls in his life a lie, one that she believed with her whole heart. It warmed him to think that Mikan trusted him but it also pained him that she had high hopes for something that was probably never going to be.

"Mikan," a female voice screeched through the crowd. Mikan's eyebrows knitted together as she tried to identify the source of the sound and saw a young girl waving erratically at her from across the room.

"What the hell is wrong with that girl?" Tsubasa murmured under his breath when he felt a sharp pain shoot up his arm. He let out a hiss before turning an accusing look on Mikan, showing her that he obviously didn't know why he was hit in the arm. Mikan simply rolled her eyes but couldn't hide the joy that was radiating from her.

"That's your girlfriend, Misaki, remember? Don't be so harsh." Tsubasa grinned at the young girl before scooping her up in his arms and spinning her around in the air relentlessly. Mikan's laughter filled the room but it was such a blissful and wonderful sound to ears of many. This girl had brought happiness and love to everyone around her, lighting up the darkness that was once their lives. Alice Academy had certainly changed since her arrival and everyone was glad that she had come; she had changed everyone's lives completely.

Mikan never wanted Tsubasa to set her down on her feet; she just wanted him to keep spinning her forever. The thought that he wouldn't be with her any longer haunted her and she didn't want to believe that he would just leave her behind. The young girl hoped that it was a dream, so realistic and life like that she couldn't tell whether everything was a hallucination or genuine. Her friends were all leaving her behind, Tsubasa, Misaki and everyone else. They were all starting their lives on their own, without any help at all. She just hoped that everyone would be okay and be able to find a job, a home and a family. Tsubasa and Misaki where finding a place together, somewhere the two of them could be alone and start anew with each other. Mikan knew she was being selfish but she just couldn't help it, she never wanted them to leave her behind. But that was how it would have to be.

Tsubasa placed Mikan carefully back on the ground and grinned broadly at her. On the other hand, Mikan noticed how she winced when her feet came into contact with the floor beneath her.

_I guess it's all over, _Mikan thought.

"Come on, let's go over and see Misaki." Tsubasa had noticed the sudden change in her mood and wanted anything to keep her mind away from the sad thoughts that were circling around her mind. He grabbed her wrist before gently tugging her through the crowds of students gathered on the dance floor. Mikan trudged behind the young man with her head hung low, not daring to look up in fear that she would break down once again. All around her amusement and delight seemed to be over taking everyone but she just couldn't seem to catch their vibe. What was there to be happy about when it felt like her heart was being torn apart? Mikan's hazel eyes grazed over a few High School girls huddled together, clinging onto one another, tears streaming down their flushed cheeks, ruining their perfect make up that had most likely taken hours to put on. That was exactly how Mikan felt but she didn't want to ruin their last memory of her and Alice Academy so she decided to do everything in her power to make this a night to remember, if she could just get past her misery.

Tsubasa didn't let go of his grip on her wrist while he continued to pull her against her will. The young girl surveyed the dancing couples around her and wished she could be among them, waltzing to the music, forgetting all her cares in the world. Mikan's gaze locked with a pair of fiery pools of red and for some reason all of her defences crumbled as she felt the tears threaten to fall. She had no idea why he had this effect on her; it was not like her even liked her to begin with. For a single moment she could have sworn she saw his eyes soften just a little and actually show concern but it was wiped off his face within a second which made Mikan doubt if she had even saw it to begin with. Despite all of her efforts Mikan gave him a small smile and was shocked to find Natsume's lips tilt up in the corners and his crimson eyes twinkle for an instant. That is when something crossed the young girl's mind, something she had never considered before.

_When one life ends, another begins. And maybe, just maybe my new life will bring the two of us closer._


	3. It's Time

This is the third chapter of 'Goodbye is Definitely the Hardest Word.' I hope you enjoy it, please read and review. Thank you :D

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gakuen Alice or any of the characters involved.

Mikan glided around the room as she danced with Ruka who couldn't help but blush. When they were younger he used to have a crush on the beautiful girl before him but he knew Natsume needed her more so he moved on. It was the right thing to do and he never regretted it for a moment. Even though it was a hard night for Mikan, she still kept a smile firmly in place and faced the night with such a positive attitude. Ruka could tell that she was hurting inside and she was trying to make it a joyous night for everyone around her, it was something that Mikan would do. She always put everyone before herself, worrying about others needs before her own. Yet, she was always so lively and brightened everyone's day with just one smile.

"Ruka-pyon, what's wrong? You seem distant," Mikan wondered aloud. Since they had started dancing together, he seemed as though there was something on his mind. Ruka's sapphire eyes met her gaze and he could see the concern etched onto her face. It was clear that she loved her friends more than the world itself and she would easily put her life at risk for any of them. Now that Ruka thought about it, Mikan had already put her life on the line millions of times for everyone around her and yet he knew she didn't even see it.

"Don't worry Mikan, its nothing." Ruka spun Mikan around as the song came to a close. The young girl giggled in delight as she watched the twinkling lights dance around her. It truly was a perfect night; Mikan had to give them that. Everyone looked spectacular in their dresses and tuxedo's, they had definitely put a lot of effort into it. Mikan looked up at Ruka who was already smiling down at her, clearly enjoying her cheerful smile.

"Excuse me but do you mind if I have this dance?" Mikan looked to her side to find a very shy looking Nonoko fiddling with the corsage around her wrist. Her hazel eyes roved over Ruka to find that he was also blushing and obviously uncomfortable but they looked really cute together. Mikan gave Ruka a slight nudge of encouragement but was only met with a warning glare from him. Ruka gave a slight cough, clearing his throat.

"Of course," he whispered and gently took her hand. Mikan backed away and watched the two of them waltz around the room, in perfect harmony with the other. She watched as Nonoko's emerald silk dress flowed around her and her eyes dazzled in delight. It made Mikan's heart clench to see such a lovely sight before her. In that moment, she knew that they were made for each other.

Mikan gazed down at her corsage and fiddled with the red petals, wishing that this night had never come. It was hard enough when she had to say goodbye to the High School Division the other year, it felt like everyone was leaving her behind, starting a new future on their own. It would soon be her turn to leave and maybe then she could see all of her friends again but Mikan would never be able to know. For now, she would just have to get through her years at Alice Academy.

"Mikan," a male voice pierced through her thoughts as she spun her head around to see an ecstatic Tono making his way towards her. Her hazel eyes shone when she saw her old friend and she couldn't help the smile that lit up her face. Without hesitation, Mikan ran towards him and threw her arms around his shoulders causing Tono to groan at the sudden impact. Within a second he embraced the young girl and smiled into her hair. It had been a few years since they had last seen each other and he had really missed Mikan ever since he had left. It felt good to hold her in his arms again, even if it would only be for a limited amount of time, he didn't mind as long as they had this moment.

"I missed you Tono-Senpai." Mikan withdrew from the hug and beamed up at him but he could see the traces of unshed tears glisten in her eyes. Tono chuckled at the young girl before him as he wiped a single tear that escaped down her cheek. Even though he could see the physical changes, Mikan was still a child inside and she always would be but that was what gave her the shine she held.

"I can't even begin to describe how much I missed you Mikan." Tono grinned at the young girl before he grabbed her wrist and dragged her back onto the dance floor. Surprised by this, Mikan stumbled along behind him, trying to keep her balance. Soon enough though she was laughing along with Tono as he waltzed with her through the couples and whirled her around until the room was spinning. Mikan was actually beginning to enjoy herself and it felt like Christmas seeing Tono standing there before her. She had begun to believe that she would never see him again after the years that went by but he somehow managed to appear in her life again. Even though she was overjoyed at being able to spend time with him there was something nagging at the back of her mind.

"Tono-Senpai, why is it that you have only come back to Alice Academy now? Why not sooner?" Tono fidgeted under Mikan's intense hazel gaze. By now Mikan should know that it is extremely hard to allow contact with the pupils of Gakuen Alice, Tono himself was grateful that they had allowed him to attend tonight. It had taken him weeks to convince everyone that it would do Mikan good if he could make an appearance here tonight.

"It's not as simple as you think Mikan," Tono whispered under his breath. He saw her begin to interject and quickly spun her around to stop her from speaking whatever was on her mind.

"Just try to forget about it Mikan, enjoy yourself for Tsubasa and the others." Mikan looked up at Tono-Senpai before reluctantly nodding her head at him. He was right, if she didn't stop asking questions she will never be able to enjoy her last night with everyone. Mikan let out a quiet sigh and fixed a smile on her face, she knew that it didn't look genuine but as long as she seemed happy then maybe she would believe in the lie herself.

"You're right Tono-Senpai, I will make sure that this will be a night to remember," Mikan exclaimed, her hazel eyes widening in wonder as she thought of all the things that she could do to ensure this night would be amazing. Tono laughed at the young girl who seemed so care free as though there was nothing wrong in the world but he knew that soon everything would change for her, it was only a matter of time.

"We are going to slow things down a bit," the DJ announced over the speakers, startling Mikan out of her day dreams. Tono-Senpai stepped away from her before bowing and winking at the young girl. Mikan's eyebrows furrowed at his actions but understood there were probably many other people that he wanted to speak to, seeing as he hadn't been back for a number of years.

"Mikan I think you should dance with someone else for this one." Mikan followed where Tono's eyes fell and she stifled a gasp. Her eyes widened as she looked back at a grinning Tono. He placed a comforting hand on her shoulder and looked into her hazel eyes.

"Have fun, you deserve it," Tono breathed. Mikan was taken aback by how serious he had become, it felt like the whole atmosphere had changed as couples danced around the two of them. In a matter of seconds Tono had left and was already mingling in the crowd, laughing with old friends, enjoying himself. Mikan was left speechless in the middle of the dance floor, confused about what she should do next.

She wandered idly to a very bored looking Natsume who occupied a chair at an empty table near the back of the room. He didn't even lift his eyes when she approached, too lost in his own thoughts. He didn't even notice when she took a seat beside him and buried her head in her arms so her brown hair cascaded on the table. But his crimson eyes finally lifted when he heard her muffled sobs and noticed her shoulders shaking uncontrollably. Natsume was confused about what to do so he just sat there and watched until finally after a few moments her head lifted. Tears streaked her cheeks, her hazel eyes filled with pain that seemed to be never ending. This side of Mikan was hardly ever seen by anyone and it hurt him to see her like this.

"I... I'm sorry," Mikan croaked before rubbing her eyes with the back of her hand, catching the escaping tears. His eyebrows knitted together as he wondered what on earth she could be sorry for, she had done nothing wrong but show her true feelings.

"I promised to make this a night to remember but so far I have done nothing but feel sorry for myself, I... I am so selfish." This brought on a whole new round of sobs and Natsume couldn't hold back any longer. He pushed himself up from the table and stood before Mikan who choked back a few more tears. Her head finally lifted and a perplexed expression crossed her face as she noticed Natsume looking furiously down at her. She visibly cringed away from him but yet she couldn't tear her eyes away from his pools of red. Natsume slowly put a hand out to her just to find Mikan stare at it utterly astonished.

"Don't make me say it baka," Natsume growled under his breath. He noticed how her features suddenly brightened as she grinned up at him. She relaxed back into her seat and gave a small shrug.

"Well I can't say I understand what you are talking about," Natsume snatched his hand back and glared at the young girl. She was really enjoying this and she never thought that he would be the one to comfort her when she was down. Mikan watched as a rush of emotions suddenly passed through his eyes but as soon as she saw them they were gone, making her reconsider whether she had seen them in the first place.

Natsume internally battled with himself whether what he was doing was the right thing but every time he thought about it he came up with the same answer, an answer in which he did not like. Sighing, he made his decision and there was no turning back now. He extended his hand out to Mikan once more and met her hazel eyes, never looking away.

"Mikan, can I have this dance?" Mikan gazed at Natsume for what seemed like a life time but neither of them made any sign of movement. Their eyes never left the others as they soaked up the moment. Mikan was shocked that Natsume had actually asked her, she planned that he would just walk away in anger but for him to do this was a major step. After all this time of him being hostile towards her and now he suddenly reveals a more vulnerable side. She knew that after tonight things would return back to the way they were before, him ignoring her and Mikan doing her best to keep a smile on her face around him.

Mikan found herself nodding her head and placing her small petite hand in his. She ignored the electricity that flowed through her at the sudden contact and the blush that coated her cheeks as Natsume led her onto the dance floor. The song changed to another slow waltz and Mikan looked down at her heels to avoid the awkwardness of the situation.

"You know, you are making this really difficult," Natsume mumbled. Mikan's eyes shot up to meet his and found him looking down at her hands that were hanging lifeless. She had never felt so uncomfortable around someone before but yet Mikan felt embarrassed in front of Natsume. Her mind had gone blank, she couldn't think of anything to say to him to lift the sudden atmosphere.

Mikan felt two warm hands wrap around her own causing her to jump at the sudden contact but she soon relaxed at the touch as she gazed into Natsume' crimson eyes. He lifted her hands to wrap around his neck before pausing and then draped his arms around her waist. Mikan rested her head on his chest so she didn't have to look him in the eyes but she couldn't understand why she felt so at home in his embrace. She breathed in his cologne and was so accustomed to the smell it felt like it was her oxygen. Before tonight, Mikan had never realised how much she actually relied on Natsume but she knew now that she could never live without him.

Natsume stiffened for a moment as Mikan rested her head on his chest but shortly recovered as they began to sway to the music. Natsume lay his own head on top of hers and breathed out, blowing pieces of her hair in the process. He tried to bite back the smile that was trying to form on his lips as he enjoyed the way the young girl fit into his arms perfectly, it was as though she was made for him. Until now, Natsume had never truly realised how much Mikan had become a part of his life and he never wanted to let her go.

"I guess you were right Tsubasa," Tono chuckled under his breath. Tsubasa stood beside him with a grin on his face as they watched Mikan and Natsume sway on the dance floor. He had always known that the two of them had feelings for each other but they were only just beginning to realise it now.

"I knew it but I still don't think they understand what they are feeling for each other," Tsubasa mumbled as he scrutinised them. It was obvious that they were both embarrassed but he could see the way they held each other; they were both comfortable in each other's embrace. Tsubasa smiled sadly to himself before turning his full attention to Tono.

"I think it's time." Tono's head snapped around to look at Tsubasa but there was no sign of doubt on his face. Tono was lost for words as he stared at the person who used to be his apprentice while he was at Alice Academy. The young boy had grown up so quickly and had already developed into a young man, he was capable of making decisions on his own but Tono knew that this would be one he would regret.

"Tsubasa, at least think about it a little more. You know it will only hurt her." Tono tried to reason with him but Tsubasa shook his head before glancing to look at Mikan who had a smile on her face with her eyes closed as Natsume held her close.

"No, I can't change my mind now. It will be easier for the both of us if I leave things like this," Tsubasa whispered. A small smile touched upon his lips as he looked at Mikan one last time and wished he could have a little longer with her but that was one dream that would never come true. If only he could embrace her and whisper soothing words but that would only make it more difficult for the both of them. Tsubasa had made his decision and he was going to stick to it.

He never wanted to walk away and leave Mikan behind but he was finally satisfied by how Natsume looked at her. The crimson eyed boy was completely in love with her even if he didn't realise it yet and just knowing that Tsubasa knew she would be okay if he left. Her friends would comfort her and eventually she would move on and in the near future they could be reunited again but until then they would both have to wait.

A single tear slid down Tsubasa's cheek but he didn't lift his hand to wipe it away, he wasn't ashamed about his feelings. He loved Mikan, she was a part of his family and he would do anything to protect her. More tears began to fall, clouding his vision as he witnessed Mikan's hazel eyes slide open to meet his. The young girl beamed at him and Tsubasa felt a smile touch his lips as he gazed into her eyes one last time. He noticed how her smile began to falter when she saw the glistening tears fall but she tried to keep it in place no matter what. Tsubasa looked at Mikan one last time, feeling as though his heart was being torn apart. He was about to say the one word that would bring his world crumbling down, the one word he had avoided all night. Tsubasa inhaled a deep breath before staring into her beautiful eyes for the last time and saying the last thing she would ever hear from him.

"Goodbye Mikan."

So... what do y'all think? Please leave me comments :')


	4. Left Behind

This is the fourth chapter of 'Goodbye is Definitely the Hardest Word.' I uploaded this one quickly so you could find out what happens! I hope you enjoy it

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gakuen Alice or any of the characters involved.

Mikan's breathing faltered as she watched one of the most important people in her life walk out of the doors. She wanted to run after him, even if he would turn her away but for some reason her legs wouldn't carry her. It was as though a huge weight now lay on her shoulders and Natsume was the only thing holding her up anymore. The two of them had come to a standstill in the middle of the dance floor while the other couples continued to waltz around them.

Mikan couldn't stop thinking about Tsubasa as she stared at the last place he had been. The tears he shed while he stared at her broke her heart but yet she didn't even try to stop him. But the thing that hurt the most was he didn't even give her a proper goodbye. After everything they had been through together, he walked away as though none of that even existed. Ever since she started Alice Academy, Mikan had considered Tsubasa to be her elder brother but now she didn't know what she was to him.

Natsume felt the young girl in his arms stop causing him to stumble to keep his balance. Confused, he looked down at Mikan to find tears in her eyes as she stared at the doors to the hall. In that moment, she looked like a lost little girl just trying to make sense out of life. He had never seen her look this hurt before but he could feel the pain she was experiencing. Natsume wanted to wrap her in his arms so she would never have to face the horrors of the world but there was always something holding him back every time he tried to get close to her.

"Mikan?" Natsume brushed a strand of hair behind her ear on instinct but from the sudden contact Mikan's hazel eyes shot up to meet his. As soon as Mikan stared in Natsume's crimson eyes the flood gates opened and the tears began to stream down her cheeks. Her whole frame shook as she let her emotions flow and that was when Natsume couldn't hold back. He threw his arms around her and drew her in an embrace, whispering soothing words into her ear. Mikan was glad for the warmth of someone else while she let everything out. She had to admit that she was surprised that Natsume was the one to comfort her but she didn't complain.

Mikan glanced back to the fronts doors and knew that it was now or never. She slightly pushed Natsume off her but he didn't seem to mind although he was confused by her actions. Without thinking twice she headed towards a very anxious looking Tono who was caught in headlights. Mikan came to a stop before him and tried to make eye contact but he kept trying to avoid it.

"T... Tono-Senpai?" Mikan stuttered as she tried to control the tears and prevent them from falling but it was harder than she expected. Tono's eyes finally met hers and he crumpled under her innocent hazel gaze. He could see everything that she was feeling and he couldn't believe that Tsubasa had made her feel this way. This young girl thought the world of him and yet he had torn her into pieces without a second thought. Sure, he may be as upset as her but if he truly loved her he should have stayed and spent his last night with the one girl that mattered the most. However, Tono understood why he did what he did, it was all for Mikan. Tsubasa had given up his last moments with her to save her the heartache and tears when it was time to say goodbye but it had only made the situation worse.

"Where has he gone? Please tell me he's not..." Mikan's voice faded off as she saw the look in Tono's eyes and she knew that she was absolutely right, he had left her. She would no longer be able to see him and yet he had sacrificed their last night together so he could run away and not face the pain that she was now experiencing. The only thing Tono could do was to pull her into a hug and try to calm her down but Mikan was through with it all. She raised her hands and shoved him away from her causing him to stagger backwards leaving a perfect opportunity for Mikan to race through the doors. Her curls blew behind her as she avoided the groups of people huddled together in the halls because there was only one person she wanted to see now. Groaning, she came to a sudden stop so she could peel her heels off and threw them behind her without a care.

Mikan threw the doors to the Academy open and searched the night for any sign of him but everything was silent. That's when her eyes clasped on a dark figure walking towards the gate that led to the real world, the world that Mikan wouldn't see for another few years. She didn't even hesitate as her legs carried her towards the shadow because there was no telling if she would make it to him in time.

"Tsubasa-Senpai," Mikan cried as her legs felt as though they were going to give way from beneath her but she still pushed on. The figure turned his head to look at Mikan and his eyes widened as he took in the young girl sprinting towards him. Tsubasa seemed to be caught in a dilemma as he weighed up all of the options he had.

Mikan thought that she had finally caught up with him but a warm hand enclosed around the top of her arm causing her to fall back into the chest of the unknown man. His other arm wound around her waist trying to keep her from fidgeting but that didn't stop Mikan's protest as her cries grew louder. Tsubasa took this moment to make the ground he had lost as he walked away from the now crying Mikan but it felt as though he was leaving a part of him behind.

"How could you?" Mikan sobbed. This brought Tsubasa to a halt as the words echoed through the night. The grief in her voice was clear as day and he hated himself for making her feel that way. She should know by now that he loved her and that he would do anything to protect her so why was she acting as though it was the end of the world? Well, to them it was like the apocalypse. Once you graduate from Alice Academy it is very rare that you are allowed back in unless you become a teacher. That meant that it may be a few years until he gets to see her again but what about if she forgets about him? Mikan has friends here who could easily help her to block Tsubasa out of her mind so what would he do then?

"You were going to just leave?" Tsubasa looked at Mikan as she trembled in the grasp of Natsume and not even he could make her feel better. If only he had slipped out a little earlier then maybe this confrontation would have never happened.

"How could you? Tsubasa-Senpai, I thought you actually cared about me but by doing this shows that you couldn't care less," Mikan croaked as she stared him straight in the eyes. That was when Tsubasa snapped, he couldn't take it any longer.

"You think I don't care about you? You think I don't care?" Tsubasa roared as Mikan cringed away from him in fear.

"Mikan, ever since you started this school I have looked out for you, even when you didn't know I was I have always been watching your back. I would do anything to protect you because you are the most important person in my life. I love you Mikan, you're like family to me and I thought that this would be the best way for us to separate and I am going to stick by this decision. I am sorry if this is hurting you but it is hurting both of us. We will see each other in the future when you finally graduate, I promise Mikan," Tsubasa finished the last bit in a quiet whisper as he looked at the young girl. She was no longer fighting Natsume but the pain was still there and that was worse than the actual physical pain, knowing that she was hurting on the inside.

Mikan tried to find anything to say to Tsubasa who stood staring at her, allowing her to soak up everything he had just told her. There was too much information all at once and Mikan wanted to sit down and think about it but she knew she couldn't, now was not the time. She examined his face to try and find any indications that he was joking around with her but he was deadly serious. The agony and torture he was going through shone in his eyes and Mikan knew that this was not something that she wanted to do but he had no choice and neither did she apparently.

"But... I don't want to let you go yet," Mikan sighed; there was no way she was going to win this fight. That was her sign of giving up in defeat, it was better for the both of them if he leaved now so it would save the arguing and the fall outs but Mikan couldn't help but feel as though he had betrayed her because no matter what way she looked at it he had betrayed her.

A loud beep tore through the stillness disrupting the silence of the night bringing everyone back into reality and the situation that was at hand. Mikan's eyes noticed the outline of a car that was parked at the side of the road waiting for Tsubasa to get in so he could drive away and start his new life. She looked back at him to find him already staring straight at her. Her hand trembled beside her as she watched the tears fall from his sapphire eyes and all she wanted to do was wipe them away and tell him everything would be okay but even her naive mind knew nothing would be okay, not after this.

"I'm so sorry," Tsubasa murmured, shaking his head as he made his way over to Mikan who stood there utterly shocked by what was happening. She was already losing a loved one and she didn't if she could cope. Tsubasa placed a tender kiss on Mikan's forehead and looked at her one more time before he would have to go.

"Goodbye Mikan." That was the second time he had heard those words that night and she wasn't sure if she could get through this. Tsubasa turned away from the young girl and walked away, through the gate and climbed into the car that sped off down the road. And that was it; he was gone, gone from Mikan's life.

"What happened to you never leave family behind?" Mikan whispered into the night.

Was that okay? Please tell me what you think, leave comments!


	5. Our Memories

This is the fifth chapter of 'Goodbye is Definitely Hardest Word' I hope you like it

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gakuen Alice or any of the characters involved.

The night air whipped through Natsume's hair as his crimson eyes watched Mikan in his arms. It was clear that she was falling apart right before him but he didn't know what he could do to make her feel better. She looked so fragile in that one moment as she began to shake in his arms. Natsume turned the young girl around and buried her head in his chest as the water works took over. He knew this was the only thing he could do for her and he would do anything, even risk his own life for the hazel eyed girl.

Natsume's crimson eyes gazed up at the moon above and simply watched as the night passed by as he held the most important girl to him in his arms. If it was not for Mikan's pain it would have been the perfect moment but it was obvious that in any other situation Natsume would be the last person she would want to seek comfort from. Natsume agreed with what Tsubasa had done and the two of them knew that this would be Mikan's reaction; he just hoped that she would be able to get through it.

"Mikan?" Natsume whispered into her ear as her sobs died down and she was reduced to mere hiccups. Wiping away the remaining tears off with the back of her hand, she glanced up to be met by two pools of crimson. Mikan didn't know why but when she looked at him it felt like everything was actually going to be okay. Even if getting through tonight would be a struggle, the future may be brighter.

"Come on, let's get you inside," Natsume sighed as he draped an arm around her waist. Mikan couldn't help the blush that coloured her cheeks at the way Natsume was treating her. The two of them had never exactly been close so this was a whole new side to him that she had never seen before and she was beginning to like it. Despite the situation her heart began to warm and she felt the slightest shred of hope. Without thinking it through, she threaded her hand through Natsume's who looked at her surprised but Mikan had already leant her head on his shoulder, knowing that an opportunity like this would not come around often.

Natsume led the young girl through the halls of the school; nobody thought anything of it when they noticed that she was crying seeing as everyone else was literally bawling with their friends. Mikan could still feel the slight wetness of her tears as they rolled down her cheeks but she just felt numb, as though she was viewing the whole event from some place far away. Natsume pushed open the double doors of the dance hall revealing everyone having their time of their lives and Mikan's heart sunk. She had promised Tsubasa that she would make this night special for him but she hadn't achieved that and now she wouldn't even have the chance.

"No," Mikan breathed as her eyes roved over the twinkling lights and felt the jolly atmosphere over whelm her. She came to a sudden stop pulling Natsume back with her as the grip she had on his hand tightened. The young boy knew that he shouldn't have brought her back here; it was probably the last place she ever wanted to be right now. But Natsume didn't agree with her motives, many of her friends were still in that room and she still had to say goodbye. Mikan continued to pull back but Natsume wasn't letting her go that easily. She would regret it in the future and Natsume didn't want her to be any more upset then she already was. Natsume yanked her forward which took Mikan off guard causing her to stumble into his side. Her hazel eyes looked up at him but he didn't even look at her, the cold look was already in his eyes. Mikan knew that the old Natsume was back but yet she didn't want to let him go yet.

"You should go and say goodbye to your other friends, you'll only end up beating yourself up about it if you don't," Natsume stated in a bored manor but his eyes met hers and for a single second a small smile lit up his face. It was gone so fast that Mikan began to doubt whether she had ever seen it to begin with but the look in his eyes told her everything she needed to know.

"Besides you have to make this a night that they will always remember, right?" He pushed Mikan forward and just like that he walked out of the room, shutting the doors behind him. This left her all alone, not knowing what she should but Natsume was actually right for a change. She had not only promised Tsubasa but all of her other friends and she couldn't back out of a promise.

Mikan glanced around the room trying to find any of the High School Division that she knew. She noticed that Misaki was nowhere to be found which made her heart sink further. It was clear that she had also left without saying goodbye all for her sake apparently but Mikan wanted to enjoy this night with them all but they didn't see it her way, only theirs. Mikan noticed a blonde haired boy sat at one of the tables with a bunch of girls surrounding him, chatting happily as though they didn't have a care in the world. She smiled despite herself and ran up behind the young boy before throwing her arms around him. He looked taken aback for a minute but eventually realised who she was and drew her into an embrace.

"Mikan, I have not seen you in a long time," Kaname murmured into her hair as she breathed into his chest. It was good to see Kaname again, seeing as she had not seen him since he went back to hospital. Everyone knew that he didn't have much time left as his days were running out but yet he was still always so cheerful and up for helping anyone. That was what Mikan loved about him but sometimes she wished he would just slow down.

"It's good to see you again, Kaname-Senpai." Mikan pulled away from him before letting a genuine smile grace her features. Kaname could see the tear stains on her cheeks but thought best not to bring it up. He knew what Tsubasa was planning on doing so it must have already happened seeing as she was in this state. No matter how many times he tried to persuade him not to and think about Mikan's feelings, he must have gone ahead with his plan despite that.

"How have you been?" Mikan rolled her eyes at Kaname. She wasn't the one who constantly needed treatment. To him she was the healthiest person alive but that was the sort of person he was, he cared for everyone.

"I'm fine; the main question is how are you doing? Is your treatment going well?" Kaname shook his head as laughter escaped his mouth but Mikan just stood there dumbfounded. It seemed like a perfect question to ask so why was he laughing at her?

"Everything's going great, there's nothing for you to worry about. I know how concerned you can get about other people, worry about yourself for a change." He placed a comforting hand on her shoulder and Mikan understood what he was getting at. It was probably obvious that she had been crying and seeing as Kaname was Tsubasa's best friend it was more than likely that he had been told about the plan. However, that didn't necessarily mean that he agreed with it. Mikan could see in his eyes that he was against what Tsubasa did but there was nothing that he could do to make him stay. She didn't want to think about it anymore but that was the only thing that seemed to be on her mind.

"Are you alright, kiddo?" Mikan raised her eyes to see Tono stood before her with a very concerned look on his face. Well he was the one that she had interrogated before heading after Tsubasa so he would know all about it. Mikan should have been happy that she had two of her friends with her, who were genuinely concerned for her but why couldn't she smile?

"Mikan, is there anything we can do?" Mikan looked back at Kaname and saw how fragile he looked. Before she was too busy actually getting over the fact that he had made it here but now she looked at him he was pale and thin. Underneath his eyes were bags showing tiredness and Mikan didn't want to even begin to think how long he had left. It broke her heart that even though he was in this condition he was willing to do anything for her. She had such great friends, Tsubasa, Tono, Kaname, and Misaki and yet they were all leaving. Mikan even doubted whether she would be able to see Kaname again, this may be the last time she would be able to speak to him so why couldn't she find any words?

Mikan collapsed into the closest chair as all of the pain and grief rushed out of her. She seemed to be drowning in despair even though the two of her closest friends were at either side of her. Mikan felt a warm hand envelope hers and squeeze. She glanced up through the blur of her tears to find Kaname giving her a reassuring smile.

"Everything will turn out for the best, this will not be the last time you will see us," Kaname promised but this only made her cry harder. To think that Kaname could say that with a smile on his face showed that he believed he would make it through all of this even though the facts proved that he may not even make it a month. She gripped his hand as though it was her last life line. Tono pulled up a chair beside her and simply put his arm around her shoulders before pulling her head into his chest. He didn't even need to say anything because Mikan understood that he was distressed for her.

In a few hours the dance floor would be empty and the remaining High School students would disperse and leave the academy forever. These would be their last memories at Alice Academy and many of them were trying to make them happy as possible but others were too choked up with emotions just like Mikan. She felt utterly selfish for her actions but she couldn't hold them back. Usually she would put on a brave face but she was sick of doing that, for once she wanted to let it all out and now she wasn't so sure if that was a good idea. Tono and Kaname never let her go, no matter how much she shook or wailed the both of them remained by her side. Tono didn't care that his shirt was becoming damp from her tears nor did Kaname mind that every escaped tear landed upon his hand. They both wanted to be there for their special girl. Mikan never realised how much she meant to everyone but she had become a significant part of everyone's life.

Mikan's eyes snapped open as she pushed herself up from the chair leaving a very startled looking Tono and Kaname. Each of them didn't understand the young girl's actions as she vigorously wiped at her eyes, catching the tears that were threatening to fall. She looked at the two of them before a bright smile lit up her face and her hazel eyes held a twinkle. Tono and Kaname didn't understand the sudden change in Mikan's attitude but they didn't argue nothing mattered as long as she was happy. One last tear ran down her cheek but she easily brushed it away, the smile never faltering from her lips. Tono was astounded at how mature Mikan looked in that instant and truly appreciated the woman she had grown into. To him she didn't seem like a child anymore and he didn't think he was ready for her to grow up but he couldn't help but beam back at the young girl. Mikan held her hands out and waited for Tono and Kaname to follow her. They both placed their hands in hers as she pulled them to their feet and guided them to the dance floor.

"Wait here," Mikan stated before she turned around and rushed to the front of the hall were the DJ played the songs. The DJ glanced up at her and took his headphones off before walking around the front so it was easier for them to speak.

"Can I make an announcement over the speakers and then would you be able to play a few fast songs to cheer everyone up? I know you may get asked this a lot but this is my last option to keep the promise I made to my friends. Please, will I be able to?" The DJ sighed as he looked at the young girl before him. She looked so lost and upset that he couldn't bring himself to refuse her. Instead he led her around and directed her on what to do. He then handed Mikan the microphone and shut off the music. The dancing couples came to a stop in confusion as all eyes turned to face Mikan and she began to think that this wasn't such a good idea. She pushed all of them thoughts a side and just thought that it was the best thing for her friends.

"Sorry for interrupting your dancing but there is something I would like to say." Tono and Kaname stood in the middle of the dance floor as they watched the scene play out before them. They had no idea what the young girl was up to but they both figured it was something to do with the promise she had made to them all. No matter how upset she was, Mikan was always looking out for everyone else.

"I know that this may be a sad night for many of you, departing from the academy is not the easiest thing to do. Leaving long life friends behind and having to say goodbye to the ones you love. Even though I am not in the High School Division I still know what it feels like to be apart from the most important people in your lives, it feels like some part of you is missing. I have many friends here that I will eventually have to say goodbye to and I may not see them ever again, I can't predict the future. The main thing is that we all try to enjoy ourselves tonight. This is the last time that we will all be together as a school and we should make this a night to remember. Try to put your grief a side and let's make memories that we will never forget." Mikan smiled at the crowd as they erupted into applause and screams as the DJ played an upbeat song, allowing everyone to mingle on the dance floor. The sound of laughter echoed through the hall and Mikan smiled at the way everyone was finally having a good time. Even though it took a few words of encouragement they all finally got there in the end. Mikan tossed the mike back to the DJ who caught it effortlessly and gave her a friendly wink. She walked back to Tono and Kaname who were grinning at her like complete idiots.

"Nice speech kiddo," Tono smirked but he was actually incredibly proud of her. Mikan playfully punched him in the arm but couldn't help the giggle that escaped her lips. Even though at the end of the night she would have to say goodbye to everyone, she was content in just being able to be with them for now. Kaname grabbed Mikan's hand and spun her around as Tono watched with an amused expression.

"So why don't we make some memories of our own?" Kaname raised an eyebrow at her as a smile was plastered on his face. Tono had already begun dancing like a moron at the side of them which made Mikan chuckle at the sight but it was good to see him enjoying the night. Kaname rolled his eyes at the sight but Tono only nudged him and motioned that he should dance too. Mikan didn't know whether that was the best thing for him to do, given his condition but Kaname was soon dancing along side of him as the two of them synchronised dance moves together. Mikan smirked at the two boys she loved so much and she actually thought that the rest of night would be memorable.

"Let's make this the best night of our lives," Mikan cried enthusiastically as she danced alongside her friends. Tono and Kaname nodded their heads and the three of them laughed freely, not caring that they would all part in only a few hours. They lived in the moment and tried not to think of the future even though it lay heavy in the back of everyone's mind. Mikan couldn't stop her mind wandering back to Tsubasa but she didn't shed a tear when she thought of him, instead she made a vow, a vow to him and a vow to herself.

_One day Tsubasa-Senpai I will meet you again, I promise._


	6. Destiny

This is the sixth chapter of 'Goodbye is Definitely the Hardest Word.' I hope you enjoy it, please leave comments.

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Gakuen Alice or any of the characters involved.

"So that's why she's been so upset most of the night?" Ruka exhaled a deep breath as he slouched into a chair near Natsume. The young boy had wandered back into the dance hall only moments before just to check that Mikan was okay but she finally seemed to be enjoying herself. He was glad that she was trying her best to have a good night, she deserved it.

"Yeah," Natsume grunted and Ruka knew that was all he was going to get out of him. The blonde haired boy watched the groups of people dancing on the floor and amongst the crowd was a very happy looking young girl. Ruka felt a smile tug at his lips as he heard her care free laugh echo through the room. Tono and Kaname stood at either side of her doing the most odd dance moves he had ever seen but the three of them seemed to be making the most of the night. As long as Mikan was enjoying herself with her friends then that's all that mattered but Ruka knew it would be hard for her later on that night when it was time to say her final goodbyes.

"Do you think she will be able to make it? You know how fragile she is, I just hope everything will be okay," Ruka whispered. He didn't even know if Natsume had heard him but it didn't matter, he was saying it more to himself that anyone else. However, the crimson eyed boy had heard every word perfectly clear and agreed with Ruka. This night would be one of the hardest nights of Mikan's life and a piece of her was already missing from when Tsubasa left, there might not be anything left once the others go and Natsume didn't want that to happen. He pushed himself up from the chair and passed Ruka who gave him a questioning look.

"Where are you going?" Ruka's eyes followed Natsume's movements as he headed for the double doors that led to the hall.

"For a walk." Ruka didn't have the chance to reply as the doors slammed shut behind meaning that any comment he was going to make was now lost. He had noticed that Natsume had been acting very differently the past week but he couldn't decide whether it was for better or for worse. It was obvious that he actually did care for Mikan but he won't admit it to himself or to anyone so there was no way of knowing for sure.

Ruka looked back over to the throng of students mingling as they shared their last night together. Old friends were embracing, lovers were sharing their last sweet kiss while others tried not to think about what was to come but in the end it was inevitable. He glanced over at the clock and it was already nearly midnight, soon everything would be over. Even though Ruka didn't know many people in the High School Division he still didn't want any of them to leave, to him they were like distant relatives but yet they had always been there for him and his friends. It would be lonely without them and Mikan may never be the same if she doesn't have her beloved Tsubasa. Ruka had never actually thought of it like that before but now he did it made him wonder whether things would go back to the way they were or would things slowly begin to change. He had no clue but he wished that things would remain the same but he highly doubted it. After tonight nothing would be the same.

Mikan fell into a chair as Tono and Kaname continued to dance with the crowd of girls who had formed around them. A giggle escaped from her throat as she watched how idiotic they were being but that's why she loved them. She was beginning to become tired from all of the dancing but she didn't want the night to end, not yet. There were still so many things she wanted to do and things she wanted to say but for now she was happy just watching her friends have a good time. Fumbling in her bag, Mikan pulled out the camera that she had stashed in there many days ago because she knew she would only forget about it if she didn't. They had taken a few photos tonight and it gave her a bit of comfort knowing that at least she had photographs of her friends.

She flicked through them with a smile plastered onto her face at how much it warmed her inside. Even though some of them were silly and could be considered immature they were some of her favourites. Her hand stopped dead at one of the many photos and she nearly broke down on the spot. It was of her and Tsubasa earlier on in the night when she had first arrived. Tsubasa had a comforting arm around Mikan's waist as she leant her head on his shoulder. Mikan's hazel eyes were alight and her smile was breath taking, she looked genuinely happy to be by his side. Tsubasa was smiling directly at the camera, that famous smirk that he used to flash at her all the time. Her hands shook as the camera felt like it weighed tonnes in her palms, she wanted to continue and pretend that she had never seen it but it was etched onto her brain.

Instead of breaking down like she had been doing all night Mikan pressed the next button and moved on for the first time in her life. Even though she missed Tsubasa she knew that she would have to get over him, it would take a long time but soon enough she would come to terms with it. Mikan glanced down at the picture that was now showing and a small smile played upon her lips. Her heart warmed and a blush rose to her cheeks. It was of her and Natsume when they were dancing earlier on, when everything was okay. Natsume held Mikan as though she was the most important girl in the world. He held her close to him, comforting her when she needed it. His eyes were closed as he rested his chin on the top of her head. A smile was plastered onto his face as they swayed slowly to the music. Mikan wondered whether he even knew that he was smiling at the situation but it made her happy to think that he enjoyed being close to her. Mikan had her arms wrapped around his neck, holding on tight because the truth was she never wanted to let go. She felt safe in his arms even when everything was going wrong. Mikan's blush grew more when she noticed that she was also smiling into his chest as her eyes were closed in contentment. She had to admit that it was one of her favourite photos because it contained probably one of the most important boys in her life even if he didn't know it. Mikan didn't know who had taken the photo of the two of them but she had her suspicions about who it could be. She flicked through the rest of them in a daze but was glad that she had managed to capture the night forever.

The night was drawing to a close around her but she didn't want to see any of the sad goodbyes's because it would only hurt her more. Instead she watched as Tono and Kaname continued to dance in the most odd fashion but it still made her giggle at the utter madness of the two of them. It would be heartbreaking when she would have to say her final farewell but she could only prolong it for a certain amount of time. Out of the corner of her eye she noticed Ruka sitting at one of the tables alone. He saw her looking and gave her a reassuring smile that she returned within a second. Neither of them made a move to go to the other but they both knew it would be for the best if they stayed put.

"What do you think you're doing kiddo? The night is not over yet, it's only just beginning," Tono smirked as he pulled her to her feet and headed over to where Kaname was still chatting happily with the young girls. Tono held Mikan's hand as he spun her around until she finally gave in and a laugh escaped her throat. It wasn't long before she was dancing alongside her friends, enjoying the night while she could.

Natsume came to a stop next to the swinging bench in the garden and allowed himself to relax into its soft interior. He heaved a sigh as his gaze travelled up to look at the moon. It was such a beautiful night but yet he couldn't even enjoy it, it held too many secrets. The young boy knew much more than he should and he wished he could forget everything. There was no one who he could talk to about the things he knew but after tonight nothing would be like before, nothing. There was one girl that it affected the most, one girl who was already hurting inside.

Natsume could already feel himself losing her as though she was slipping through his fingers. If things continued the way they were he would surely lose her forever but that wasn't a risk he wanted to take. He wanted to protect her with his life but at the moment she was defenceless and clueless to the things that the academy was planning behind her back. Natsume vowed that no matter how ugly things would turn he would always be by her side even if she didn't know it.

"Why are you out here all alone?" Natsume turned his head slightly to see a young girl stood next to him. He didn't even bother acknowledging her and just went back to staring at the stars above.

"Don't be like that Natsume," Luna giggled before taking a seat on the swing beside him. Natsume had never trusted Luna ever since she moved to the academy and she had proved that she was trouble when she tried to turn everyone against Mikan. Ever since then he has avoided her much like everyone else but she somehow had found a way to speak to him now.

"Shouldn't you be back in the dance hall looking out for Mikan? I know how you feel about her." Natsume's eyes snapped open as he looked at Luna in disbelief but she just sat there with a smug grin on her face. Luna had always known how Natsume had felt about Mikan that was why she had been so jealous in the beginning but when she noticed what lengths he would go for her Luna realised that he cared for her a lot and gave up pursuing him.

"I don't like Mikan in that way," Natsume grumbled as he sat further back in the seat but this time he didn't break eye contact with Luna. He knew that what he was saying wasn't the truth but if it wasn't then he really didn't know what was. He had mixed feelings for the young girl but he could never unravel what he truly felt towards her.

"Don't deny it Natsume; everyone can see it apart from you and Mikan." Luna looked deep into Natsume's eyes but he was left speechless. Instead of denying it all he simply turned his head and looked at the grass blowing in the slight breeze. He was sick of running from everything and it may be better if he just sat back and let things happen for a change. He felt the bench slightly shift as Luna rose from her seat.

"You'll have to keep a close eye on her Natsume, we both know things are going to get worse from here on out. Don't let her go," Luna whispered the last part and Natsume didn't know whether she had actually spoken those four words at all. He hated to admit it but Luna was right, he would have to look out for Mikan more thoroughly from now on. Natsume listened as Luna's footsteps faded away into the night and watched as his destiny was layed out before him.

Mikan felt a wave of nausea waft over her at the amount of times Tono and Kaname had spun her round. At that instant Tono and Kaname stared at each other with a devilish glint in their eyes. Mikan gulped at the thought of what they were both planning. Cautiously she took a few steps away from them but it was too late by then, Tono and Kaname had already swept her into a bone crushing hug. Mikan gasped for air but her laughter soon joined in with theirs as she tried to bat their arms away. They both reluctantly pulled away from her so Mikan could catch her breath. Tono walked over to her bag on the table and reached in, pulling out Mikan's camera.

"Let's take a picture, you know for memories?" Tono elbowed Mikan in the side in a teasing manor but she rolled her eyes at his immaturity. Kaname came to stand at Mikan's side while Tono asked one of his fan girls to take a photo of the three of them. Tono hurried over to the other side of Mikan and they both wrapped an arm around the young girl.

"Are you ready? Three, two, one..." Just like that the flash blinded the three of them and another memory was captured. Mikan rubbed her eyes trying to ignore the red splodge that interfered with her vision. She giggled when Tono and Kaname walked into each other from their loss of eyesight but they all froze when an announcement came over the intercom, shattering the night into a million pieces.

"All of the high school students are to say their final goodbyes and head to the front of the academy. I repeat all of the high school students are required to head to the front of the academy immediately." The speaker crackled as Mikan's world came crashing down.

It was time.


	7. Goodbye

This is the seventh chapter of 'Goodbye is Definitely the Hardest Word.' I hope you enjoy it and don't forget to comment! :-)

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gakuen Alice or any of the characters involved.

People milled around the gates at the front of school saying tear filled goodbyes to one another. Siblings clung to one another, never wanting to let go at the idea of not being able to see each other. Girls tried to dab away their tears so it would not ruin their makeup but the more they rubbed the harder the tears fell. Boys joked with one another, acting like nothing was wrong but it was clear in their eyes that they were in pain. The atmosphere hung low, conversation seemed to be on near enough mute as friends simply settled for embracing the other.

Mikan stood in the middle of all the commotion, unmoving. Her hazel eyes held no emotion as she stared straight ahead. Tono glanced at her every now and again to make sure that she was okay as he said his own farewells. Even though he had many other good friends here at the Academy, it would be so much harder to say goodbye to the one young girl he loved with his whole heart. He knew that everyone here adored Mikan, even if they didn't openly show it. She was an inspiration to many but she didn't see it. Tono sighed and tore his gaze away from her to bid farewell to one of many friends.

A pair of crimson eyes watched the whole scene, observing how everyone acted. There was no need for him to get involved because he wasn't close to many people in the High School Division. Instead he settled for keeping an eye out on the one young girl it was affecting the most. Mikan stood on her own in the centre while Tono and Kaname said their goodbyes. She hadn't moved since they dragged her out of the hall and he couldn't help but worry for her. There was no expression on her face, no sparkle in her eyes. It was definitely not the Mikan he had known for so long. She seemed to be drained of life and the only thing he wanted to do was wrap her in his arms and whisper soothing words.

"Natsume, what are we going to do? She's going to be crushed after tonight, I just have this feeling that she may never get over this," Ruka murmured beside him. Natsume glanced at him for only a second because that was all he needed to see the concern etched onto his face. He had always known that Ruka cared for Mikan and he knew it pained him as much as it did him.

Natsume focused his gaze back on Mikan but sighed when he noticed she hadn't moved an inch. He thought about what Ruka had said and he actually began to consider what would happen if Mikan didn't go back to her bubbly self. Since she had moved everyone was more upbeat and school actually seemed worth attending but if she would become a mindless zombie then things might return to how they used to be. Havoc. Natsume had been totally out of control before she came, he was truly an untamed cat. If he didn't have her support he wouldn't know what he would do and he knew that he would return to his original self.

"I don't know," Natsume whispered honestly. That was the truth; he didn't know how things were going to turn out after tonight. Maybe because of the situation Mikan may turn things around and try to enjoy the rest of her time here or she could become emotionless. There was no telling what the future holds so they could only wait and hope for the best. Natsume's hard eyes smoothed for a moment when Mikan's eyes met his and he winced away from the look. She actually seemed lifeless, her eyes were dead and when their gazes met she showed no sign of emotion. It was as though she was some sort of robot, pacing it out until the end. When Natsume thought that all was lost a single tear welled in her eye and slid down her cheek.

Mikan continued to stare into his crimson eyes as the tears began to flow. He was the only one that brought her to life when she thought all was lost but he could also tare her down with a click of his fingers. Natsume didn't look away and neither did she because she wanted to know that he would always be there for her. A small smile played on her lips as she studied him and for the briefest second a grin graced his face. Despite the sad atmosphere Mikan felt the slightest spark of hope as she gazed into Natsume's crimson eyes and believed that maybe she would get through this as long as he was by her side.

"When are you going to tell her?" Ruka inquired. His sapphire eyes watched as the twinkling lights seemed to dim with the atmosphere. Even though he only knew a few of the High School students he still would miss their lack of presence at the academy. Soon they would have to move on and move up, Ruka would be able to do this but he was worried for Natsume. Ruka noticed how Natsume's eyes hardened at the question as he thought of the answer. It was pretty obvious how he felt for Mikan, even if he admitted it or not. The love he felt for her was so great that he would willingly risk his life. Sure, at times he can be cold to the ones around him but on occasion his mood lifts once he has seen her. Ruka was glad Natsume had found somebody to care for and that was the reason he had stopped pursuing Mikan, knowing that they weren't meant for each other.

"Soon, she has a right to know." Ruka nodded his head slightly, fixing his gaze on the young girl of interest. Still no sign of movement since the last time he had checked but now she was oddly fascinated by something. Ruka's ocean blue eyes widened in surprise to find her staring straight at the two of them. No not at them, at Natsume. He looked to the side of him and a small smile crept on his face. For the first time in ages he saw Natsume's face soften and his eyes sparkle under the lights. He could see it in the young boy's eyes; he was beginning to fall in love. Ruka felt like he was intruding on a moment but there was no were for him to go so he settled with looking around the crowds.

"It's only a matter of time now," Ruka smirked to himself, betting an internal wager that it would take less than a month for the two to admit their feelings. However, this caught Natsume's attention and just like that the calm atmosphere was gone as his guard was pulled back up. He snapped his eyes to where Ruka stood beside him and looked at him questioningly.

"What?" Natsume barked. Ruka sighed at the sudden change in his attitude but he shrugged it off and faced ahead of him.

"Nothing," he murmured but the connection between the two was already broken and Ruka heard Natsume storm off. He hung his head in his arms as he leant against the railing, his golden hair blowing in the slight breeze. Ruka heaved a sigh, resting his chin in his hands and glanced up at the moon above. If Natsume didn't get over his attitude problem their relationship will go nowhere and things will only heat up. If only there was a way to guarantee that things would be alright.

"She'll be okay." Ruka jumped slightly at the sound of a young girl's voice. He smiled slightly at Hotaru beside him and she nodded in return. Before Mikan came here Ruka had never spoke to Hotaru, not many people had. She usually kept to herself only talking to Yuu on odd occasions. Even though Hotaru seemed hostile towards everyone she was actually a really caring girl. Ruka noticed the love in her violet eyes as she watched Mikan from where they stood. Hotaru viewed Mikan as a naive little sister and whenever Mikan was in trouble she would always be there to help her.

"I hope so," Ruka sighed. He couldn't hide the doubt in his eyes and as Hotaru glanced at him she couldn't help but admit to herself that maybe this time things would be different, maybe this time things may not turn out like they wanted them too. She watched in silence as Ruka's eyes turned from sadness to anger in only a matter of seconds. Hotaru had never seen this side of him and she wasn't sure whether she liked it. He raised his hand and hit it against the railing causing the vibrations to run up through Hotaru's arm. She jumped at the sudden movement but Ruka already had his head hung in his hands, his golden hair covering any emotion he was feeling.

"God dam it," he whispered. Ruka raised his head slightly to catch one last glance of Mikan before he turned away from Hotaru and fled but she had already seen the glistening tears that were falling down his flushed cheeks. She didn't know what to do next, she simply stood there watching Ruka's retreating figure until he was engulfed by the throng of students. Her hand shook on the railing and before she could help it water filled her eyes and blurred her vision. Hotaru swiped angrily at her eyes and cursed under her breath. She didn't want anyone to see her so vulnerable but yet here she was on the verge of a breakdown. Her violet eyes wandered back over to where Mikan stood and a small smile tugged at her lips.

"If only you knew Mikan," Hotaru murmured into the night. She squeezed the railing one last time and Mikan turned slightly. Their eyes met only for a moment but that was all that Hotaru needed before she gave a slight nod and followed in the footsteps that Ruka had just once taken. She was trying to get away from it all but whenever she looked back it would always be there. Guilt washed over her as the tears began to fall. This time she didn't even try to wipe them; she let them flow freely because this was only minute pain to what Mikan would feel eventually.

"Hotaru, what is wrong?" Yuu asked concerned. She looked up through the haze that the tears caused to find Yuu stood alone, worry etched on his face as he looked at her. Hotaru let out a wail of sadness before she flung her arms around Yuu and cried into his chest. Yuu was surprised to see her in this condition but he quickly wound his arms around her waist holding her up. He understood what was wrong with her and it was only the beginning, far worse was coming and Yuu wondered whether any of them would be able to cope. For now though, he was content in just holding his love in his arms and when the time came they would all face it together.

Mikan watched as Hotaru turned away from her and noticed that tears streaked her best friend's cheeks. Her mouth opened to say something but nothing would form on her tongue and when she tried to run after her it was as though something held her down, not allowing her to move. The young girl knew that she was falling apart inside but she just didn't want to have to face any of it, she didn't want to have to deal with the pain.

"Mikan?" A voice sliced through her inner rambling and Mikan blinked a few times before focusing on the person stood before her. Kaname looked at her warily, placing a tender hand on her shoulder. She looked like the living dead, her hazel eyes held no sparkle as she regarded him and it haunted Kaname to know that this is what she may become when they all leave. Everyone knew the horrendous things that were awaiting Mikan apart from Mikan herself. He had wanted to inform her on many occasions but they were all strictly prohibited. If only she could find out for herself and then they could get her away before anything happened.

"I just came to say goodbye, my parents are here to pick me up and they are incredibly impatient people," Kaname laughed but Mikan just gazed at him and in an instant he pulled her into a hug. Mikan tried to stop the tears from flowing but it was so hard, her body shook from the force and Kaname screwed his eyes shut so he wouldn't have to see one of his favourite girl's falling apart. Her nails dug into his back as though she was holding on for dear life.

"I won't drag this out because I know it would only make this that much harder," Kaname ground out, feeling himself on the verge of tears.

"I will miss you so much Mikan, all of us will. I wish I could stay here longer with you and I would do anything if it meant I could. You are the light in everyone's darkened souls around here, you have made such an impact on everyone's lives and you don't even realize it. Everyone here loves you, I love you. I promise I will find a way to see you again Mikan. For, now we will both have to wait." Kaname untangled the young girl and held her at arm's length, looking her in the eye as he said the last thing she would hear from him.

"Goodbye, Mikan," he breathed and before she could say anything he took off. Mikan stared after him dumbfounded as he made his way through the crowds and out of the front gate, gone forever. Her breathing constricted as sobs racked her body causing her to cry out. She couldn't believe that another person had gone from her life and this time she had a chance to say goodbye but yet she couldn't bring herself to say anything to him.

A warm hand enclosed around hers, squeezing slightly to catch her attention. Mikan glanced up through the blur of tears to find a young man staring back at her, care clear in his eyes.

"T-Tono-Senpai?" Mikan squinted up at him, she scrubbed at her eyes trying to prevent the tears from falling but it seemed impossible. Tono caught a stray tear and rubbed it away with the pad of his thumb. He gave her a weak smile as he watched a little more of her fall apart inside.

"Oh, have you said all of your goodbyes then?" Mikan asked trying to get her mind off Kaname. The young girl smiled at him but he could see the cracks in it, it was all just for show. Instead of confronting her he decided to play along with her charade because he knew that was what she wanted. Tono grinned back at her and threw his arm around her shoulder, steering her over to one of the benches to the side. He sat down and patted the spot next to him, indicating that she should take a seat. Mikan shuffled nervously fiddling with the hem of her dress because she didn't know whether she was ready to say goodbye, not yet. Reluctantly she settled herself beside Tono, distancing herself from him because she would only latch onto him and never let go.

"Yeah, they didn't take long. It was mostly just girls, if you know what I mean," Tono smirked and winked at Mikan. She rolled her eyes at his silly antics but cracked a genuine smile. He would always be a womanizer but that was what gave him his charm.

"I'll tell you there was a cat fight somewhere over me. I promised one of them my phone number and the others got jealous so one thing led to another and let's just say a few fake nails are probably dotted around the place," Tono chuckled. He didn't expect Mikan to burst into laughter and it was actually real, pure laughter. It echoed through the night air warming Tono's heart as he smiled at the young girl. She looked carefree in that one moment that he didn't want to do anything to ruin it but it was better to get this over with. He took Mikan's dainty hands in his and held them on his knee. All of the amusement was wiped off her face as her eyes widened in understanding as she stared at Tono.

"Mikan, I know that..." Before Tono could even begin to say farewell she cut him off.

"Please, don't. If you say goodbye then that means that I will never see you again and I want to see you again. Don't leave me Tono-Senpai," Mikan cried. The tears welled in her eyes and it would only be a matter of seconds before they over flowed. Tono heaved a heavy sigh, he didn't want to say goodbye any more than she did but it was something that needed to be done. He would hate himself if they never saw each other again and he didn't even tell her how much he cared for her.

"Mikan, I'm so sorry but we have to do this. Don't you agree?" She looked as though she was about to intervene but deep inside she understood that this would be for the better. Instead she nodded at him to continue.

"I know that tonight has been hard on you, losing so many people you love in such a short space of time. You are handling it so well kiddo, I'm proud of you," Tono smirked. Pausing a moment to ruffle her hair, trying to lighten the mood before things became too serious.

"This is going to be hard for me too, Mikan. Of course I don't want to let you go, I have dreaded this all night. If I could make time stop I would do it within a heartbeat because I never want to have to say goodbye to you. You're like family to me, I care for you so much and if I didn't have to leave I wouldn't. I just want you to know that I will always protect you even if you don't know it, I will always be watching over you. You mean more to me than anything and if something were to happen to you I don't know what I would do, surely die from the pain." Tono inhaled a shaky breath, feeling the wet liquid threaten to spill over. He stared into the hazel eyes of the most important girl in his life and gave her a sad smile.

"Just remember that I love you Mikan, I will always love you. You are like my little sister and I am going to miss you more than you will ever know. I will never forget you, no matter what," Tono whispered the last bit. Mikan opened her mouth to say something but Tono put a finger on her lips, silencing her. She looked at him pleadingly but this was something that he had to do, he knew he was hurting her but he loved her too much not to say it.

"Goodbye, kiddo." Tono leaned forward and placed a sweet kiss on her forehead, scrunching his eyes closed as a single tear slid down his face. He leant his chin against her head as she threw her arms around him and he pulled her in for an embrace. He held her close as her tears fell onto his shirt but he couldn't care less as long as they were in this moment together.

Mikan buried her head in Tono's chest and let everything out, it felt like her heart had broken and there was nothing left. She was empty inside. She didn't know whether she would be able to cope, too many things were happening at once and it felt like she was suffocating under the pressure. Tono pulled away from her slightly, so he could look into her hazel eyes. He winced slightly when he saw that she had given up. It was obvious in her eyes that she was dead and the fight she once had was now diminished.

"This is the last calling for all High School students to leave the Academy grounds. Visitors and guests this is your last calling to vacate the area. Thank you." Mikan's eyes widened at the announcement and before she could utter a word Tono crushed her with another hug. She didn't hesitate in wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him in closer.

"I don't want to let go," Mikan breathed into his chest as she tried to control her breathing. Tono felt his arms become tighter around her because the truth was he didn't want to let go either. This may be the last time they would be able to share a hug like this so he didn't want it to end. Eventually, he knew he had to let go as the crowds began to disperse.

"Mikan, I don't want to go but it's time," Tono whispered into her ear. She shivered at the warmth of his breath as Goosebumps pricked on her arms. Mikan's eyes were tightly closed as her nails dug into the material of his tuxedo. She tried to hold on just a little longer because she didn't just want to let go. It wasn't as hard as saying goodbye to Tsubasa but Tono was a whole different person to him, it was hard in its own way.

Tono breathed in the scent of her hair one last time before withdrawing his arms from around her and seeing that she wasn't letting go he grabbed her wrists from around him and held them in his lap. Mikan didn't hold her head up; she didn't want to see Tono because it would only make the pain much worse. However, Tono had other plans as he placed a hand under her chin and looked into her eyes. Tears silently fell and he gently wiped them away, a sad smile on his face.

"Be good, okay? If it's easier for you just forget about me, I'll be fine but I will never forget you Mikan. Just remember that you're my special girl and I will always love you." Tono rubbed her cheek with his thumb, catching a tear mid fall. He looked into her hazel eyes one final time to see only hurt and grief. Tono wanted to wipe that all away and make it stop but he was only adding to it. Tono rose to his feet, brushing his lips against Mikan's cheek and headed away from her. He turned one final time and said the last words she would ever hear from him.

"Goodbye Sakura Mikan," he whispered into the night and just like that he was gone. Tono hurried away and disappeared from sight, leaving Mikan alone on the bench only herself as company. She had no one to hold her, no one to comfort her, she was all alone. Hurt engulfed her and the sobs became harder as she felt her body convulse. It felt like her heart was being smashed to pieces while her soul was being torn apart. In that moment she would have even welcomed physical pain because nothing would have hurt her more than this.

Mikan lay on the bench, her knees drawn into her chest as she hugged them tightly; trying to ignore the loneliness she was enduring. She was unaware that somebody stood watch her, a grin of satisfaction clear on his lips. His eyes were amused as he crossed his arms in front of him; he studied the young girl who lay sobbing on the bench. He tapped his fingers on his arm before walking the other way, debris flicking up from the bottom of his shoes.

"It's only just the beginning," Persona smirked.

What do ya'll think, please leave comments! :')


	8. It's Starting

**This is the eighth chapter of 'Goodbye is definitely the Hardest Word'. I hope you enjoy it, don't forget to comment! :-)**

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Gakuen Alice or any of the characters involved.**

The cold wind whipped through the midnight black hair of a certain crimson eyed boy as he stared at the night sky. He leant on the railing, his chin in his hands wishing that there was something he could do to make everything better. Even from up here Natsume could hear the cries of the young girl below and he wanted nothing more than to race down there and scoop her into his arms but he couldn't. There was something holding him back.

Sighing, he hung his head, scrunching his crimson eyes closed. He tried to block out her sobs but they echoed through the silent night, swirling around him. Natsume pounded the steel railing with his fist causing the vibrations to course through his body as a growl rose from his throat. Just for a moment Mikan's cries stopped as the sound met her ears. Puzzled, she glanced around her, hazel eyes wide in fear that someone was watching her.

Natsume cursed under his breath as he leant over the railing making sure that she had not suspected him. After only a few seconds tears streaked down her cheeks and she continued to sob as she drew her knees into her chest and collapsed onto the bench. Natsume's heart clenched in his chest at the sight and it took all his might not to jump down from where he was. His grip on the railing tightened, his breathing ragged as he tried to get his mind off everything.

He only wanted to make sure Mikan was okay, he didn't want to interfere. Natsume wanted her to be happy and to him the father away he was from her the happier she seemed to be. Shaking his head slightly, he risked a glance down at Mikan and noticed how fragile she looked. If there was some way he could make it all go away he would do it within a heartbeat.

Before he even made his presence known Natsume could sense him. He was stood just a few steps behind him, watching the scene with clear amusement.

"I never knew she was this fragile over her friends, interesting," Persona mused. Natsume's eyes narrowed as he cautiously turned around to face the person who had made his own life a personal hell. His hands balled into fists at either side of him, preparing to strike if it was necessary.

"What do you want Persona?" Natsume questioned through gritted teeth. He refused to let his guard down in front of this person; it would do him no good. A smirk tugged at Persona's lips at Natsume's brusqueness.

"I only came here to remind you that it's only a matter of time before Mikan will find out. I would advise you enjoy your time with her while you can, nobody can predict what will happen afterwards." Persona looked deep in thought as he said those last words, considering the possibilities of what actually might happen, not only to Mikan but to everyone. Natsume blinked a few times to see if this was real. He had never known Persona to remind someone of anything, even if he did find the situation amusing it just wasn't like him.

"I know," Natsume ground out. The young boy only wanted Persona to leave, he always felt on edge whenever he was around and he definitely didn't want him near Mikan. Persona folded his arms in front his chest, leaning casually against the wall as though he didn't have a care in the world. He looked levelly at Natsume, eyes narrowed at his young apprentice.

"You better buck up your ideas kid, times ticking. Do what you must but when times up that's it. We don't give second chances," Persona spoke coldly. Before Natsume could retort, Persona spun around and headed away, heels clicking on the concrete. Natsume slumped against the railing and slid down it, elbows resting on his knees as he stared at the moon. Traces of unshed tears were clear in his eyes but he didn't allow them to fall, he never did. He quickly blinked them away and rubbed profusely at his eyes until he was certain that the wet liquid had disappeared.

Natsume looked back to the place where Persona had only been a few moments ago and heaved a sigh, replaying their conversation in his mind.

"I know you don't give second chances, that's why I don't want to ruin my first," Natsume murmured into the night. There was no one there to hear his words, only a brunette haired girl. Mikan raised her head as she heard the few whispered words of Natsume, who unbeknown to her was just above her. She threw her legs over the side of the bench, wiping the few remaining tears that had fallen. Curiosity had won her over and Mikan wanted to find the source of the words. She had heard clearly heard what had been spoken even if they had been spoken softly.

Her hazel eyes surveyed the area trying to find any movement but the night was once again still. Running out of options she closed her eyes trying to remember in which direction the hushed words were spoken from. Her eyes snapped open in realisation and her gaze landed upon the balcony just above. Strands of midnight black hair stuck through the railings and shone in the light of the moon. Mikan stood there speechless when it hit her who the figure was. Slowly she made her feet move and she headed for the stairs, knowing that she couldn't turn back now.

_One foot in front of the other, come on I can do this, _Mikan encouraged herself as she ascended the stairs.

For some reason beyond her she held her breath as her eyes fell upon the slumped figure of Natsume. His head was hung in his lap, knees raised while his hands were wrapped around his legs in an almost protective way. His hair covered his face, hiding his emotions so Mikan could not tell what he was feeling. She didn't fail to notice the way his fingernails dug into the flesh of his arms indicating that he was upset about something. Something tugged at her heart as she watched his unmoving form. It pained her to see him like this when there was nothing she could do to help him.

Mikan couldn't handle the silence any longer and she coughed into her hand, signalling to Natsume that she was here. His head raised slowly, his bangs still covering his eyes so she could not see him clearly. He didn't say anything to her and she began to feel awkward with the situation. No words would form on her lips and she hated not being able to see the emotions in his crimson eyes. Inhaling a deep breath she tried to calm her nerves down as her hand began to shake.

"Natsume," Mikan breathed and that one word caused all of Natsume's defences to crumble. His bangs fell away from his eyes and Mikan breathed a sigh of relief at being able to look in his crimson eyes. So many emotions were swirling in their depths, grief, sadness and guilt? She had no idea what he had to feel guilty about but then the words he had uttered earlier came back to her.

"I know you don't give second chances, that's why I don't want to ruin my first? What do you mean?" Mikan knew that she may have been asking a personal question but she felt like she needed to know the answer if anything was going to become clearer. Natsume's eyes widened at what she said and he didn't know how to respond. How could he tell her why he had said that without telling her the secret that everyone was trying to hide? Natsume shook his head at her, leaning his head against the railing.

"Tell me," Mikan whispered. For some reason she couldn't raise her voice above a whisper. It was obvious that he wasn't going to tell her but Mikan wouldn't give up that easily. She crept closer to him but he didn't even flinch as she knelt down in front of him. Mikan searched his eyes for a moment as he stared up at the sky. Slowly, Mikan reached out her hand wondering whether this was a good idea or not when she placed it attentively on Natsume's cheek. His crimson eyes met hers and he lifted his head slightly so he could see her clearly. Her hand felt oddly cold against his cheek but he thought it may have just been the weather.

"Please, Natsume. I need to know," Mikan begged him. He looked into her big doe eyes and knew that if he stayed any longer he would tell her everything and surely be punished for his actions. Natsume wished that he could pour his heart out to her but it would only break her even further and that wasn't something she needed right now.

"I can't," Natsume choked. Mikan's hand fell from his face and landed in his lap. He felt before he even saw the tears that fell and he hated that he had caused this. He never wanted to hurt her and yet here he was causing her more pain. Natsume raised a hand and tenderly rested it against her cheek, turning her face to look at him. Her face seemed pale and the temperature of her skin was definitely below than what it should have been. Her hazel eyes were full of grief and the tears welled inside of them but he could tell that she was trying to hold them back.

"Mikan," he whispered under his breath, closing his eyes for a moment because he knew he was falling under her spell. If this continued he would most certainly reveal everything to her and it was better for her if she didn't know just yet. The young girl stared at him, hoping that he could shed some light on the situation.

"Mikan, I can't tell you but please trust me when I say it's better if you don't know. Can you?" Natsume looked deep into her eyes, praying that she would be able to settle with this for now. In time he would tell her himself before anyone else could, just not tonight. Mikan was already heartbroken with everything else that had happened she didn't need something else weighing down on her shoulders.

"I trust you," Mikan croaked. She stared into his crimson for a few seconds longer knowing that she had done the right thing. She didn't even have to think it through; she would have trusted Natsume with her life if she had to. The tears brimmed in her eyes and spilled down her cheeks. Without hesitation she buried her head in Natsume's chest and let everything out. Natsume froze but when the sobs shook her fragile body he hugged her tightly, stroked her hair and whispered soothing words into her ear. For now he ignored how icy she felt and was content in holding her in his arms.

The two of them sat on the balcony, wrapped up in each other's embrace for what seemed like an eternity. They simply enjoyed being in each other's arms. Mikan felt at home with Natsume and he also had the same feelings towards her but the two didn't realise it. Both of their hearts raced in unison at the feel of the other's touch. Mikan's sobs had grown too mere hiccups and she shivered from the cold. Natsume worried for the young girl's health but she didn't seem to be moving anytime soon.

"Mikan we should go inside, you're like an icicle," Natsume joked but when Mikan didn't laugh or defend herself the knot in his stomach tightened. He brushed her brunette bangs away from her face so he could look into her hazel eyes but she seemed to be in some sort of a daze. Natsume pushed himself up from the ground as well as picking Mikan up with him. His arms were now wrapped around her waist as her head lolled on his shoulder. She was shivering uncontrollably and Natsume could feel his heart in his mouth as he frantically looked around. Within a minute he had scooped her up in his arms and he contemplated if it was any other time whether Mikan would have blushed.

Natsume hurried down the steps as fast as his legs would carry him and he wished he had an Alice that would be actually useful in this sort of situation. There was no sign of anyone, most likely because they had all gone or they were too tired to stay out. It seemed like it had only been him and Mikan left alone outside. Natsume skidded around the corner of the hallway, panting as his grip on Mikan tightened when her eyes slid closed.

"Mikan, stay with me." Natsume knocked hurriedly on the door and when there was no answer he pounded against the wood. A very disgruntled Hotaru answered it, annoyance evident in her violet eyes. She regarded Natsume coldly but when she noticed her best friend lying lifeless in his arms she gasped. Without saying a word she opened the door fully, allowing him to get inside. Natsume spied the bed in the middle of the room and laid Mikan on it.

"What happened to her?" Hotaru asked, barely above a whisper. She couldn't believe that Mikan was like this when only a few hours ago she had been okay, everything was happening to fast. She wanted to stop time but all of their destinies were already planned out so there was nothing she could do about it.

"I don't know," Natsume grumbled, trying hard not to let Hotaru hear how pained he was seeing Mikan like this. He pulled off her heels and removed the pins from her hair so it fell loosely down her back, cascading over her creamy shoulders in luscious waves. Natsume inhaled sharply at her beauty, she looked absolutely breath taking. He drew the cover back and placed Mikan underneath, wrapping her up so that she would be able to get warm. He brushed his hand against her forehead to check her temperature and pulled his hand away immediately. He hissed at how freezing his hand now was and then his eyes turned worried at how cold Mikan had become. Even in the warmth of Hotaru's room she still seemed to be a block of ice.

"It's starting," Natsume breathed, not actually wanting to admit it. Hotaru gasped beside him, eyes widening as she realised what was happening. She stumbled backwards slightly in disbelief as she stared at her friends unmoving form.

"Should I go and get someone?" Hotaru inquired but Natsume only shook his head.

"No, there is nothing anyone can do for her now. It's all up to her," he stated, hoping his true emotions didn't reflect in his words. However Hotaru could hear the sadness that laced his tone and knew that Natsume must be hurting just as much as she was, after all he did love the young girl.

Hotaru took a few steps forward until she stood beside Mikan and placed a tender hand on her cheek. She gasped at the coldness and a few tears leaked down her cheeks, spilling upon Mikan's dress. Hotaru didn't want Natsume to see her like this but for some reason she couldn't seem to stop the grief that was engulfing her. Her knees gave way underneath her and she collapsed onto the carpet. She linked her hand with Mikan's and squeezed, praying that this would wake Mikan from her slumber but it was no use.

"Mikan, please wake up. Please," Hotaru cried. Natsume stood in the corner of the room watching as Hotaru mourned over her best friend. It was hard for him to watch the scene because only moments ago had Mikan been awake and in his arms. If only he had taken more notice of the signs. He had felt how cold she was when they had been together but he had passed it off as it simply being cold outside. Natsume could feel the anger boiling in the pit of his stomach as he stared at the pale face of Mikan. He turned away and raised a fist, slamming it into the wall. Hotaru yelped at the sound and whipped around to find Natsume glaring at the wall as he cradled his hand in his other. Blood seeped from the cuts and stained his clothes but he couldn't care less. He hoped that the physical pain would take his mind of the emotional pain but now he was just feeling both.

A hand rested on the top of his arm and he cringed away from the comforting touch. His gaze met a pair of violet eyes that were filled with tears but also concern for him. Hotaru shook her head at him as she tentatively touched Natsume's bloodied hand that was balled into a fist.

"She wouldn't want you doing this to yourself so stop it Natsume. Mikan needs you right now; she needs you to be strong and healthy for her. Go be with her, that's what she really wants," Hotaru croaked. Natsume's eyes lost their hard edge and softened at Hotaru's words. There was no way he could deny what the young girl had stated. Mikan would want everyone to be okay even if she wasn't, that was who Mikan was. Natsume nodded his head at Hotaru, sighing heavily but before either of them could move Natsume felt his presence.

"Persona," Natsume growled.

**So what do ya'll think? I thought I would start to mix things up a little bit! :-)**


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